Is there anything you can do to get your girlfriend back?
This is probably the most frequently asked question we get here at Boompi, so you’re in the right place.
When you’re heartbroken and pining for your ex-girlfriend, your initial instinct might be to make contact with her. Resist this temptation and give it some time.
You should reassure yourself at this early stage. Ultimately, you need to assess what happened in the relationship to trigger a breakup. You’re much better advised to double down establishing this rather than firing off random texts around the clock.
Remember, there’s every chance you could get your ex-girlfriend back, and we’ll be giving you a few handy pointers today to maximize those chances.
When we reminisce about a relationship that’s ended, we tend to focus on the good stuff. The thing is, if you want to get your ex back, you need to reflect on the bad stuff. And this is where we’ll kick off today, by examining what you could gain from looking back on the bad times…
Reflect On The Fights
So, how can you determine exactly what went wrong in the relationship?
How much of the blame was in your court and what could you do to change?
Think about both the trivial fights and the blazing rows.
When you think back to this conflict, put yourself in her shoes. Ask yourself what she must have been feeling. It’s only by trying to look at things from a neutral perspective, divorced from the anger of the situation, that you can get a more balanced view of your role in those fights.
The way we treat our partner typically reflects how we treat other people in general. Try examining the way you interact with people in your life. Think about coworkers, friends, people less fortunate than you. How do you treat these people? Be honest and be prepared to make some changes if you don’t like what you discover.
If you are a negligent partner, chances are you are negligent in other areas of your life. Perhaps you are selfish in your professional life, or you neglect certain friends. Use this time of radio silence to examine your wider relationships. You can often apply the same behavioral changes across many relationships.
Why is this so important?
Well, for two reasons. Firstly, if she does come back to you and you haven’t done the necessary inner work, she’ll probably leave again in short order. You want her to stick around for good, so use the time to get working on yourself.
Also, by rigorously examining how you deal with people in general, you might do more than just get your ex-girlfriend back…
You could notice a dramatic uptick in your interpersonal relationships across the board.
Reflect On Yourself
Explore the difficulties and challenges that arose during your relationship honestly.
Think about how those arguments came about.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Was it always her fault?
- What could I have done differently?
- How could I react differently?
- Did I communicate my needs effectively?
- Did she communicate her needs?
- Do I have an alcohol or drug problem?
- Was I unreliable?
- Did I listen to her?
- Did I take her for granted?
- Am I jealous? If so, why?
- Was she flirting with other guys, or is she just a friendly sociable person?
- How well do you consider the feelings of others?
- And what is your opinion of women generally?
- Was I too needy and demanding?
- Was I cold and distant?
You might want to work with a therapist or a friend to help you to understand yourself better.
Think about those fights, then.
What underlying self-beliefs do you think trigger you to become angry or distant?
Perhaps you are afraid of being cheated on? If so, are you guilty of cheating yourself and projecting that guilt onto her?
Once you’ve analyzed these bad times, it’s time for the hard yards…
Take responsibility for your emotions and be brutally honest with yourself.
Once you identify the areas where you can improve as a boyfriend, make the necessary changes and implement changes consistently. This will boost your credibility, and your ex will stand up and take notice. Words are cheap. Action counts.
Incorporate solutions, and nourish those changes in all areas of your life.
Make meaningful change and your ex will realize that you are committed to understanding her, connecting emotionally, and making positive changes when necessary.
Give Her Some Space
Now, as we said right at the beginning, you might feel the urge to contact your ex.
Believe us, though, that’s the last thing you should do right now. Even if all you want to do is let her know you have changed and you’re ready to meet her needs, be patient. A little distance at a time like this is not a bad thing even if all you want is to sink into her arms.
At this stage, you are doubtless still thinking about your ex a great deal. You crave her company and you miss her. Although you might be beset with grief and sadness, use the time as constructively as possible.
Work on yourself first and foremost. Consider taking some classes, losing some weight, or getting fit. Refresh your wardrobe and reconnect with old friends. This time need not be spent like you’re jailed.
Spend less time ruminating and worrying and instead use the time to invest in yourself. Once your ex notices these positive changes, chances are she’ll be amenable to hooking up again.
When You’re Ready
If someone truly loves you, they will come back to you eventually.
Your ex-girlfriend will start to miss you with some distance between you.
After a while, she might contact you in any case. If she does message, wait a day or so before responding. Don’t drag it out too long, but don’t let desperation show either.
Or you might send her a text message to see how she is. If she responds, wait a couple of days and send another one.
Whether she reaches out or checks in with you, remember that she might just be curious and have no intention of getting back with you. Tread carefully to see if she’s serious about getting back with you before you make any kind of overtures.
Try meeting up for coffee or dinner.
When you meet, it’s your chance to showcase the changes you have made. When you demonstrate that you have changed, this will build trust.
Remember, you must go slowly. Don’t rush into action and take it very easy.
If she wants you back, she’s probably hoping you have changed. If you rush straight back in, you are likely to slip back into past behaviors. This would again destroy trust. So, be patient. Don’t try to control or manipulate the situation. Above all, avoid showing old behaviors that triggered the break-up in the first place.
Keep your distance and take it slow. This will pique your ex’s curiosity and make her miss you. Then, when you do meet up, you can show her you are transformed and ready to make a proper go of things.
Good luck and bookmark Boompi before you go!